


Three Rounds and a Sound

by dimeliora



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alpha Jensen, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst with a Happy Ending, Assassins & Hitmen, F/F, F/M, Hurt Jensen, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Jared, Protective Jared, Tattoos, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-11 00:40:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17436554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimeliora/pseuds/dimeliora
Summary: Jensen has gone straight, is mated, happy, and about to have his first child. But his past is hungry, and he must face it if he wants his family to survive.This is a sequel to Who Will Love You, Who Will Fight and will make little sense if you don't read that first.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [deserthighway](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=deserthighway).



> Several years ago Deserthighway commissioned this fic for a fundraiser. Due to a series of dumpster fire life events this is the first complete and complex work I have done since October 3, 2016. The happy endings left me, the inspiration left me, the life left me. I have found some of those things again, partially or wholly, and I want to thank Deserthighway for asking for this even though I have drastically failed to deliver in anything like a timely or reasonable manner. Thanks so much to clex_monkie89 for betaing this, and road_rhythm for word sprints to get me to the end. Thanks to both of these awesome people as well for support, mental health contributions, and just generally being fucking awesome. And thanks to a awesome catch of a terrible typo by phoenix1966!  
> Disclaimer: Many of the people here are real, but none of them did any of these things.

“It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.”  
― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish

Jensen is cleaning fish when he hears the door slam. He looks up and sees Jared standing at the edge of the kitchen, eyes unfocused and hazy. There are tears there.

He drops the knife, wiping his hands off on the cloth briskly as he crosses the floor and rushes to his mate’s side. He puts one hand on the side of Jared’s face, the other drops to the swell of his mate’s belly.

“What’s wrong Jay? What happened?”

Jared’s mouth moves, face broken and off. He takes Jensen’s hands, lifts them, and Jensen sees the blood dripping from his fingers and palms. Jared’s eyes are locked on the dark red rivulets streaming down Jensen’s hands, along the veins in his wrists, down his forearms.

When his mate’s mouth opens this time there is a scream coming from his lips, a wailing cry of agony and remorse.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jensen wakes up out of breath, one hand to his chest and the other flopping around wildly to find a warm spot in the rumpled sheets beside him where Jared should be. He rolls out of the bed and practically slides down the narrow stairs into the cabin’s living room.

No Jared. No Jared on the couch, no Jared on the porch visible through the huge glass window, and no Jared in the kitchen. Jensen flings the front door open, rushing out with bare feet onto the dry pine needle blanket, cool air kissing his torso. The car is still here. Jared didn’t leave that way.

He rushes back into the house, heart beating too fast as he searches for his eight months pregnant mate. A pull on the drawer causes it to rip from the runners, Jensen watching helplessly as the contents of the junk drawer scatter across the wood floor. He bends down and starts digging and sweeping through the nonsense until he finds the boat house key. If it’s there then Jared didn’t take the boat.

Out of breath and shaking all over Jensen stands up and looks around the small cabin one more time, trying to get his head straight, and then he hears his mate call him from upstairs.

Jensen takes a breath, eyes sweeping the room, and then looks up to see Jared staring at him through the hole that leads up into the bedroom. Wet hair hangs in Jared’s wide eyes, and all Jensen can do is stare for a long time before he finally climbs the stairs and wraps his arms around Jared. His mate’s skin is warm, wet, and water drips from Jared’s hair onto Jensen’s bare chest. The baby kicks Jensen from Jared’s stomach.

He didn’t leave.

After a while Jared leads him to the bed. Jensen lets himself be shoved none too gently onto the mattress and then accepts Jared’s weight on top of him. They lay together quietly for a long time before Jared presses his ear to Jensen’s chest.

“Really freaked yourself out, huh?”

Jensen can only nod.

“Nightmare?”

Jensen nods again, his fingers tangling in Jared’s hair.

“Wanna listen to a song?”

He legitimately thinks that if Jared puts on one of his screaming metal bands Jensen’s heart will pop like an over-filled balloon. He nods anyway because he can’t talk and he can’t risk an argument that will send his mate down the ladder and away from him.

Except what Jared cues up isn’t screaming metal. It’s something gentle, acoustic guitar, a soft drumming, and a mournful trumpet in the background. He presses his lips against Jared’s hair, gratitude only a grunt in the back of his throat as tears well up in his eyes.

“What was the nightmare about Jensen?”

He thinks of the anguished scream coming from Jared’s mouth. Now, with sunlight streaming in through the windows and Jared’s breath kissing his skin he knows that it was the sound the pipes make when they first kick on. He knows that he was just incorporating a lot of subconscious stuff with what was going on around him in the wakeful world.

But knowing all of that doesn’t change the terror and disgust he feels at remembering that horrified look on Jared’s face, at causing the terror there.

And, after all, it’s not like Jensen doesn’t know in real life exactly what that look is on Jared’s face. His brain didn’t have to make that image up.

For a long moment Jensen considers saying nothing, and then he knows that it’s not an option.

“I dreamed there was blood on my hands, and it scared you. It hurt you.”

He can’t see Jared’s face, he’s afraid to look, and isn’t that ironic?

When he was young Jensen’s mother used to lead him outside, and then lock the door and leave him out in the woods. The first few times he pressed against the door, crying and begging, staring out in terror at the tree line looming dark in front of him. His mother never came out. After the fifth time Jensen would sit silently on the steps, eyes locked onto the trees and waiting to see what would come. His daddy hated it but there was little he could do. Even then his mother was training him.

He hadn’t been afraid of anything since that fifth time. Jensen had faced the monsters in his imagination then, and after that when his mother started training him to get revenge for his daddy he had faced the monsters that actually exist.

Years of killing those same monsters had taught him to be precise, focused, and calm. But ever since the first time he got close enough to see Jared, to know the warmth of his smile and the strength of his will Jensen has experienced a thing that he thought was burned out of him all those years ago in the woods of Texas.

Jensen felt fear.

Fear that Jared would see the real him and simply turn his back and walk away. Fear that he would be too much like his mother in the wrong ways, to make Jared feel the way his daddy had. Fear that their child would hate Jensen, that Jared would take both himself and the baby away, that they would get hurt and Jensen would lose them.

Every moment with Jared was one dripping in a fear that Jensen had long believed was out of reach for him. That he would never have to live with again.

And he wouldn’t trade it for the world. He wouldn’t give it up for anything. Jensen was willing to beg, borrow, or steal for Jared.

Being willing to kill wasn’t a high benchmark for him.

The baby kicks once, hard, and Jared makes a sharp noise. Jensen reaches down and rubs his mate’s belly gently, shushing noises leaving him even though he knows Jared says the baby can’t understand and it’s pointless.

Finally Jared speaks.

“You’re an idiot.”

He can’t help but smile, big and wide, and Jared sighs and rolls his eyes.

“You’re an idiot Jensen. A huge idiot. I mean really, at this point, what blood on your hands could surprise me?”

Jensen feels his smile waver.

“I didn’t say surprise Jared.”

Jared’s eyes cut away, fast, and then come back.

“I love you. I know what you are. I know what you’ve done. Shit, you-“

“Language around baby ears.”

He knows immediately from the look that he is very lucky he’s keeping the baby soothed with his gentle stroking or else Jared would be hitting him.

“You’ve shown me your scrapbook.”

“It’s not a scrapbook.”

“Your ledger dork, shut up. What I mean is that I know everything there is to know about what you’ve done. I don’t like it, but I’m not going to leave you over it. I’m not going to hold it against you or use it to hurt you. I just don’t want it to come home.”

And it’s that, Jared’s simple and very blunt response, that starts the rest of it in motion.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

They’re about to head back to San Antonio where they have an apartment that should now be fully furnished and a horde of Padalecki giants that can’t wait to have a new member. Jensen is packing everything into a suitcase while fussing over Jared wanting to climb down the narrow stairs unaided.

Jared takes advantage of Jensen rolling the last of the shirts into neat bundles before packing them to slip down the staircase. He’s just about the say something about it but then Jared curses loudly, the sound of his bare feet slapping into the wood below, and Jensen has his gun out and is halfway down the stairs before Jared has even had a chance to step away from the base of the stupid things.

He should have known. He should have known that she would know somehow. That she would sense his intentions before he had even verbalized them.

And in similar fashion he sees on Jared’s face that his mate knows without asking who the woman is.

“Hello Mrs. Ackles.”

Jared is standing, head up and feet planted apart, with one huge hand on his rounded belly over the baby. Jensen feels a swell of warmth and love in his chest, moving up into his throat like it will choke him. His mate is the fiercest, strongest thing on the planet.

His mother tilts her head, her face calm and suspicious all at once.

“Hello. Jensen.”

Jensen steps up, one hand on his mate’s lower back and the other flicking the safety back on and putting his gun into his waistband. This works out. This really works out because Jensen can make it official and not go back.

“Mother. Nice to see you.”

She smiles, face icy and calm, and then stands up and turns her back on both of them to look out the picture window. It’s a power move, Jensen knows it well. She can see their reflections in the glass, which is the only reason that she would be willing to do that even with her own son.

Jared, who doesn’t know it, bristles and starts to wind up. Jensen rubs Jared’s back once before kissing his temple. His mate gives him an aggrieved look that would scare anyone that Jensen didn’t know Jared needed around. That makes the warm and fuzzy feeling multiply.

“I have a job for you. It is very quick so you should return before the baby comes. I need you to go to Shanghai. There’s a business man who has an issue with handling competition. I am willing to consider that you are expecting your first child, so I would be more than happy to supply protection for your omega.”

Jensen actually covers his mouth so Jared knows that he doesn’t plan on trying to stop Jared. His mate does not disappoint.

“Fucking, excuse me?”

In the reflection of the picture window Jensen can see the surprise on his mother’s face before she turns around with no trace of emotion there for Jared.

“Which part did you not understand sweetie?”

Jensen snakes an arm around Jared’s waist to save them from having to clean up a body.

“First, don’t ever call me sweetie. I am not your sweetie. I am _no one’s_ goddamn sweetie. You got that?”

She smirks, tight, and then nods.

“Yes. I can see that.”

It’s obvious his mother does not see that this is not an insult to Jared.

“Second, Jensen is not going anywhere. He has responsibilities here and he’s not interested in doing fucking wet work for you right now. He’s got a family.”

Her smirk starts to die. Jensen knows that this is heading in a direction it can’t come back from.

He lets it.

“Thirdly, and I know this won’t make much sense to you, Jensen is excited about being a _good_ parent. Rule one of that is not disappearing on your kid. If you want I got a couple books my mom bought that I can give you so you can learn about it.”

“Jensen.”

His mother’s face is stone carved by icebergs and still carrying their chill in her voice.

“Yes mother?”

“Would you like to take part in this conversation, or are you going to let your omega make your decisions for you?”

Jensen rubs Jared’s back one last time before linking his fingers into Jared’s. He leads his mate over to the wall that contains his safe, knocks on the panel to open the door, and then spins the lock several times quickly and efficiently before pulling out his ledger. Jared’s fingers tighten around his, but for once his impulsive mate waits to see what Jensen plans to do.

He doesn’t plan on disappointing him this time.

It’s only another two steps to the fireplace, and still holding Jared’s hand while keeping his mother’s gaze Jensen tosses the ledger into the fire. Jared whoops happily at the same time Jensen see his mother’s eyes turn into dark and cold voids.

“Jared is a lot smarter than me mother. I’ll let him make the decisions.”

She nods once, tightly, and then picks up her purse and turns away.

“And don’t let the door hit you in the ass grandma Ackles!”

Her response to Jared is to slam the door so hard the wall reverberates and the picture window cracks. Jensen watches as her men come out of the trees and get into the car with her. He watches as it starts up, turns around, and then she is gone.

He feels only the slightest tinge of sadness at the sight.

“Jen?”

It takes a long time to turn and look at Jared, but when his mate’s fingers track his cheek and lift glistening Jensen knows why Jared seems hesitant.

“Do you want to go have elevensies while I make sure this thing is done burning?”

Jared’s mouth curls, the hesitance dying and replaced by annoyance.

“I. Am. Not. A. Hobbit.”

“They have big feet.”

“Not. A. Hobbit.”

“And they eat all the time.”

“Not. A. Hobbit.”

“And they’re very ro-“

He bursts into laughter, a tinge hysterical, as Jared slaps the back of his head and wanders away to the kitchen.

In the fireplace the ledger burns merrily, sparking along with the sound of Jared humming something Jensen doesn’t recognize and sorting through the cabinets for whatever snack he’ll claim the baby wants later. For some reason their baby wants garlic and onions constantly.

Jared claims it’s because the baby is angry Jensen is so dumb. It’s certainly possible.

Pages burn, curling back singularly and in clumps, letters being consumed by growing dark spaces. Maybe it’s his imagination, but Jensen thinks for a moment that the name of the man that killed his daddy glows brighter before burning.

Once it is all gone Jensen turns off the gas fireplace and then sweeps the ashes forward into the bucket before standing. Jared is behind him, silent, that same protective hand from before cupping the top swell of his belly.

“Are you sorry?”

Leave it to Jared to know the exact question Jensen himself doesn’t know the answer to.

“I don’t think so. Part of me, maybe, but not the important part. Not the part that has a baby on the way and a mate worth everything.”

Jared’s eyes light up, mouth curling in a sweet smile, and he elbows Jensen hard and heads for the door.

“Fucking sap.”

“Baby ears!”

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

The first time Jensen met Jared’s family he was terrified. If they didn’t approve Jensen didn’t know what would happen. He was showing up on their door with their two month pregnant son who had canceled coming to see them five times and blamed them all on Jensen.

Only one was his fault.

He stood behind his mate, a ball cap twisting nervously in hands that once strangled a prime minister while he ordered room service in a charming and perfect imitation of the man.

Jensen learned that the Padaleckis were almost entirely giants. A whole family of them minus Jared’s sister. When the door swung open and Jared’s momma laid eyes on him Jensen actually felt himself squeak in fear. She looked him up and down, and then she turned to Jared and flicked his nose.

“Holy shi-shoot momma! Why?”

“This boy didn’t make you cancel seeing us! Shame on you Jared Tristan Padalecki!”

And in a moment Jensen could never have predicted in a million years, even if he had watched and observed the group of them before seven hours a day for every one of those years, Jared’s head tilted and his cheeks flushed with shame.

“I’m sorry momma. I got nervous.”

She huffed pulling her son into her arms and making soothing noises.

“I know babydoll. I know. Come on, let’s get you off your feet and start interrogating your poor victim.”

To his shame, Jensen squeaked again.

All in all the week they spent with Jared’s family was enlightening. His mate’s tendency to explosions, his fearlessness, his fierceness did not come from the sort of conditioning that Jensen was raised with. It was nurtured gently, enhanced as a part of his nature by a family that was tightknit and supportive. His mother was sassy, his father was boisterous and energetic, and his siblings were just as unapologetic and loud as Jared was.

To his seemingly never ending surprise Jensen was almost immediately accepted by every one of them. The only thing Jared’s momma seemed to hold a grudge about was Jensen not pressuring Jared to have a mating ceremony in their backyard. Apparently it was a Padalecki tradition. Jensen mentions that there’s still time.

After three weeks of this supportive, warm, lively family Jensen understood his mate more than he ever thought he would. During the day they would be involved in family activities, trips to zoos and museums, a thousand stories about Jared as a younger omega before he took off to the coast to start his career. Jared’s parents loved to tell the stories while their son helplessly flapped his hands at them. Jared’s siblings didn’t join the fun after the first one because they quickly found out that each story seemed to come with a companion piece about them.

When they would collapse in Jared’s old bedroom on a bed that was just big enough for Jared to drape himself everywhere over Jensen there would be silent fumbling, grasping, needy hands and mouths. Being pregnant, Jared opined grumpily, made an omega really horny. Jensen was smart enough to not suggest that was just a Jared thing.

Most nights Jared would pin Jensen down, taking control over the activity, and Jensen would thrill in the feeling. Jared might not have alpha strength, but he was more than capable of making Jensen feel properly manhandled. After years of keeping himself under careful control it was amazing to finally give it up.

To feel safe enough to give it up.

When they finally left the Padalecki’s Jared was about ten pounds heavier and infinitely more relaxed. He had these sly little smiles Jensen had never seen before, a crinkle to the corner of his eyes that Jensen didn’t know his mate had been missing.

Granted, he was aware they didn’t meet under the best of circumstances, but seeing this happy Jared was a revelation. More than anything that was what started the path that led to Jensen burning the ledger. That loud, raucous laugh that Jared let out every time his dad made a pun. That smile. The plan started then, even if Jensen didn’t know it tangibly. In the car he suggested they get a place in San Antonio. Stay near Jared’s parents and get settled.

Jared didn’t seem sure at first. And like every other aspect of their relationship he didn’t dance around the reason either.

“Can a hitman really settle down Jensen?”

He didn’t answer. He didn’t know. But Jared didn’t stop him from starting to plan.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Chris is standing outside of the building holding keys and texting. Beside him Jared is snoring deeply and slumped down in the front bench seat of the Impala. Jensen is torn between dealing with the business and giving Jared a little more time to sleep or waking Jared up and having his mate meet his best, and only, friend.

In the end the decision is taken from him. When he puts the car into park Jared jerks awake and looks around blinking before his eyes focus on Chris.

“Who the fuck is that?”

“Baby ears.”

Jared glares at him and then gets out of the car and heads over to Chris, and it’s all Jensen can do to move fast enough to stop this from being a horror show.

“Who the fuck are you? Jensen if you say baby ears I swear I will end you.”

Chris pushes hair out of his face and grins at Jared before holding out one hand.

“Well, name is Christian Kane but I’m this guy’s buddy and I was your lawyer.”

Jared looks between them for a moment before turning back to Chris.

“You’re the handler guy. The guy that keeps him from getting popped.”

If Chris is disconcerted by the fact that Jared is saying this outside on the street he doesn’t show it. Instead he just grins, big and easy, and nods once.

“You’re a fucking omega.”

Chris nods again, one eyebrow lifting up into his hair as he studies Jared.

“He’s super fucking taken.”

At this Chris starts to laugh, and Jensen can see that Jared is feeling a little punchy at the sound.

“What’s so funny?”

 “You. Getting all possessive. It’s cute. But Jensen ain’t my type.”

“Then what is your type?”

Chris leans in, tucking a strand of Jared’s hair behind his ear and grinning big and wide.

“Why, that would be you sweetheart.”

Jared’s mouth opens, closes again, and then he looks past Chris at the building.

“We sharing space with a shop?”

Jensen steps in before Chris uses up his surprise to try to get Jared to be nicer to him.

“Well. Yes and no. I figured you would need a place to work so I got an apartment over a tattoo parlor. So yes, sharing space with a shop, but no not someone else’s shop.”

He watches his mate turn to him, mouth still open, and then turn back to the empty shop and the big gleaming front window. Chris holds out the keys without a word and Jared takes them and walks forward slowly before inserting the key and turning it.

Jensen can feel his mate’s hesitance turn into joy. He follows Jared around as his mate goes from spot to spot touching counters ang machines. Eventually Jared’s eyes are welling up with tears and his hands are shaking. He turns to Jensen, and Jensen waits to see how his mate will take the understanding.

“You fucker.”

“Baby ears.”

Chris is laughing behind them, standing in the doorway.

“Shut up. You asshole, you knew that this was waiting for us and you didn’t say shit.”

“Jared. The baby is going to come out cussing.”

His mate steps forward, grabs his shirt, and pulls him in as close as Jensen can get against the swell of Jared’s belly.

“I love you.”

Jensen tries his hardest, but he can’t help the swell of tears. Jared’s mouth puckers, amusement warring with affection, and he lets the affection win.

“Dork.”

Jensen ignores Chris laughing to lift his mate off the floor and take him upstairs to see the apartment.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Jared has announced that he doesn’t want to open the shop until the baby is born. He’s said it while they’re naked in bed, Jensen rubbing lotion into the swell of his belly. Jensen isn’t sure how to respond, so he skips words and kisses gently over where their child is kicking.

“But after. After the baby is born I wanna hit the ground running. So I have to figure out how much money to spend on getting at least one other artist in, and marketing, and all the other sh-stuff that comes with a new shop.”

“You don’t have to figure that out. You have all the money you could want. I’m bankrolling it.”

Jared’s mouth curls down in disgust.

“Oh. Yeah sure I would love that. I would love to have an alpha own everything I build.”

Jensen rubs his face against Jared’s belly, buying himself both a moment to think and the grumpiest of looks from his mate.

“That’s one way to look at it. The other way to look at it is we are mates, and my money is your money. Also, I just quit my job. So if I invest in you when you make tons of money being super successful I can stay at home and be a stay at home daddy with the baby.”

Jared is silent long enough that Jensen looks up. The baby kicks his cheek while he is staring back at Jared’s blank expression.

“You want to stay at home and deal with the diapers and the crying and the mess?”

“Yeah. Of course I do. I’d love that.”

His mate’s mouth pulls sideways in a look Jensen is getting all too used to.

“You’re so weird.”

He hums against Jared’s skin again, taking one more kick before sliding up to curl against Jared’s back with his hands protectively curled over their baby.

“I know. But I’m your weird.”

He can’t see Jared’s face anymore, but he can hear the smile.

“Yes. You are. Unless Chris steals me.”

Jensen dances his fingers along Jared’s tummy.

“I think his mates would take that badly.”

There is a long silence before Jared speaks.

“Mates?”


	2. Chapter 2

Jensen is painting the nursery when Chris comes in. Jared is out shopping with his momma and big brother, so this leaves Jensen time to get the paint up without exposing Jared directly to the fumes. The windows are open and there’s a cool breeze coming through. It wasn’t planned, but Jensen is infinitely grateful that Jared is not pregnant in the summer. His mate would be miserable.

“Jensen. I got some news from headquarters.”

He doesn’t turn from what he’s doing, rolling smooth and slow along the wall with the soft green that Jared picked for their baby.

“You don’t want to know?”

The soft wet sound of the roller is hypnotizing. Jensen has never painted a room before. He’s never made a home. He’s lived in fully furnished apartments and hotel rooms, safe houses, and cabins. Anything already organized and decorated, anything fortified or secure.

“Ok. So I’ll keep talking while I start on this wall and you can just listen. Sound good?”

Jared won’t let them find out the baby’s gender before the birth. Everything that they buy and collect and are gifted is chosen not for what people say is necessary or normal but for what they want to welcome them to the world with. So far their very limited circle of loved ones have respected these wishes.

“Headquarters-“

“Don’t use that term. We don’t need that. We know what that means.”

He can’t see it, but Jensen knows that Chris absorbs that, nods, and then gets started painting.

“Your mother has passed down to everyone in the community that you quit. There are some hurt feelings, some people that see it as an opening, and then more importantly a couple who are taking over everybody you had left on your schedule for the year.”

“Ok.”

“I made sure that every window in the place is bulletproof. I’ve got fortifications in the walls, the roof, the doors, and a ton of security systems. This place is a mid-city fortress and just for extra help I put you right down the street from a police station which will discourage activity and attacks.”

“Thank you.”

“Jensen. Stop painting for a second. Look at me.”

He lets the roller hang over the paint tray, catching any potential drips so that Jared can’t be upset that he ruined the wood floors Jared has fallen in love with. He plans on getting carpets for this room though. Soft and fluffy, a good and basic protection for their baby.

“What?”

“When you saved Aldis and Beth four years ago I had no idea you found my mates. And when I fell head over heels in love with them you did everything you could to make sure that we would be together and safe. We’re brothers. You are a part of a tiny little family I built over the years and I’ll be goddamned if anybody messes with that. So you gotta be honest with me and yourself. No lily gilding. How likely is it that your momma is gonna come after you personally?”

Jensen thinks of the look on her face when Jared smarted off to her. He thinks of the way she left. He thinks of being outside on the porch, tiny and afraid, staring into the dark and waiting for the next bit of pain.

“Not me. Jared. She’ll come after Jared.”

Chris applies more paint to his roller and then starts working on the wall again.

“Well. Then we’ll make sure that don’t fucking happen.”

He bites his lip and starts working again as well.

“Fuck yeah.”

In his head Jensen hears Jared smugly say _language_.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jared is eating his third jello cup while Jensen assembles the crib.

“You and Chris got a lot done today.”

Jensen smiles brightly, hears Jared huff as he gently hammers in a peg.

“Yeah. We did. Did you have a good day?”

“Momma and Jeff bought roughly nine thousand toys and then we had ice cream.”

He feigns shock and awe.

“Nine thousand? Jared where are we gonna put all those?”

His mate nudges him with a foot and then collapses into the couch beside Jensen staring up at the ceiling.

“This baby is taking all my energy. I gotta pee all the time. I think my ankles are swollen. This is fucking bullshit.”

Jensen hammers another peg in.

“Do you regret it?”

There’s a long silence that Jensen doesn’t let lure him into staring. He keeps his eyes on his work and his hands steady.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

It is the very last thing that Jensen is prepared for. He scrambles for a good answer.

“Well, Chris is planning on sneaking some circus animals into the room when you’re not here.”

“No. You know what I mean. You didn’t say language just now.”

Jensen’s hands stop moving. He stares in horror at the crib with the little mallet hovering in front of his eyes.

“Jensen. You. You can’t lie to me anymore. You remember? No more lying.”

He’s told Jared about his childhood, a little bit anyway, he’s told Jared enough to get by. His mate knows about his daddy, knows about his job, knows about the ambitions he didn’t have and the dreams that he did.

“Chris and I are concerned my mother is going to retaliate.”

“That wouldn’t do her much good. What the hell would she do? If she hurts you she can’t get you back.”

“Not me.”

There is quiet again. Jensen hates when Jared goes quiet. It’s not his natural state.

“You think she’d hurt me.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Jensen finishes the last peg and puts the mallet down. He leans around the crib and looks directly at Jared. Jared’s eyes are locked on Jensen, and his face is thoughtful but not as intense as Jensen would expect it to be.

“Because you and the baby are my humanity. My heart and soul. The only good things about me. I’ve only rebelled against my mother three times in my life and you saw two of them. If she were take you away all I would be left with is that hatred and revenge she’s lived by since my daddy was killed.”

His mate’s eyebrow lifts up delicately, and then he pushes his hair back and laughs.

“You fucking idiot.”

Jensen doesn’t want to show him how much it hurts. He tries to keep his face neutral.

“I’m sorry Jared I-“

“No. No listen. Come here because I can’t get over there.”

Jensen walks on his knees over to Jared and stays kneeling, his chest pressed against Jared’s knees.

“You are an idiot. Look, you made some bad decisions, and you did some things you shouldn’t. And fine. Ok. But we’re not the only thing that’s good in you. Not by a long shot. I didn’t agree to be your mate because you were a bad guy that I was gonna change. I didn’t look at you and think that you would be a project for me to turn over or fix. You are a good man who did bad things for a good reason. And you quit. So let her try, seriously, but she won’t get anywhere. I’ll fucking kill her before she gets to me. You and the baby would end up listening to old man music and eating boring salad for the rest of your lives.”

He doesn’t say what he’s thinking. Even if Jared had training or experience to handle the potential blowback of his mother’s wrath with the baby Jared is vulnerable beyond belief. What’s more important in this moment is that he never ever let Jared’s belief in him down.

Jared sits still while he presses his face into his mate’s knees and takes a deep breath.

“Jared. Thank you. So much.”

Fingers tangle in his short hair and pull gently. Jensen looks up into Jared’s eyes.

“I can think of ways you can thank me.”

Jensen doesn’t need more to be said than that. He pulls Jared’s pants down and off, slides his mate’s legs over his shoulders, and then dips down to go to town showing his gratitude. Fingers grip his hair tightly and at an awkward angle and Jensen moves his tongue from the hardness of Jared’s shaft down to his balls, over his perineum, and along his wet hole. He moves back and forth, tasting Jared’s cock and Jared’s ass, mixes the flavors together as he listens to Jared moan and gasp and curse.

When his tongue is fucking Jared’s hole his hand jerks Jared’s big cock, and when his mouth is on Jared’s cock his fingers dip in and out of Jared at a similar pace. He categorizes and enjoys every single sound coming from Jared’s mouth.

“Yes. Goddamn it yes! Jensen fucking, oh shit, can you get in? I don’t know if- fuck- can you?”

Necessity is the mother of invention they say, and Jensen is full of necessity at this request. He comes up on his knees, moving Jared’s legs carefully and then lining up. He slips deep into his mate, gripping his hips and leaning to be at a reasonable angle so that he doesn’t hit Jared’s belly but does get his cock pressing against Jared’s prostate.

“Yeeeeessss.” Jared’s head tilts back and his muscles ripple around Jensen. “Yes, fuck, yes, fuck.”

Jared’s hands are gripping him tight, fingers denting into him hard enough to leave bruises. Jensen craves the marks.

“Jared. Jared I love you!”

And his mate, sweet, thoughtful, and full of spice opens his eyes and looks at Jensen.

“I love you too.”

Jensen comes, knot locking them together, too soon. He knows it. Jared’s eyes go wide and huge, and Jensen cannot live with that. He grips Jared’s cock and starts to stroke it fast and hard in time with the spurts of his dick inside his mate.

“Please. Please sweetheart.”

And Jared comes hard, all over both of them, his hips bucking and his eyes slamming closed.

When the high settles down and they’re locked together Jared closes his eyes and slumps back into the couch.

“Jared? Can you- could you maybe slide just a little bit so I can get on to the couch with you? I’m kind of stuck here and my knees are getting sore.”

Jared’s mouth curls into an evil and serious grin.

“Nope. Too sleepy. Next time tell me faster.”

He can’t argue with the logic, but he can slide their pants under his knees and plan more carpets than Jared will ever appreciate.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Jared’s momma falls in love with Chris at the baby shower. It’s technically the second baby shower, but when they threw the first no one knew that Jensen had close friends. His mother in law has let him know in no uncertain terms that he should have mentioned his friends.

Beth and Aldis watch with delight as Jared’s momma fusses and flits around Chris. She finger combs his hair, pokes his sides, and loads his plate up with appetizers and admonishments about how he’s too thin.

No one misses the way that Aldis points at his own skinny frame and then Beth’s. Chris sticks his tongue out at his mates before letting Jared’s momma go back to babying him.

While they’re standing in the Padalecki backyard barbecuing Gerald leans over and speaks quietly to Jensen.

“You know son, I been thinking.”

“Yes sir?”

“When the baby comes Jared is gonna be real excited to get started on his business and I know that you got some job shopping to do.”

Jensen cannot figure out what Jared told them he used to do. He’s tried to figure it out several times and cannot get from the context clues what the lie was. On top of that, Jared has flat out refused to tell him.

“Well. I saved up a lot so I’m thinking about just taking some time.”

His father-in-law nods thoughtfully before flipping the burgers and moving the brats up to the top shelf.

“Ok but. Well, if you do decide to start doing some shopping or applying or something like that you know Sherri and I would love to offer babysitting services.”

Jensen smiles brightly, takes a swallow of his root beer because Jared can’t drink so he’s not going to.

“Yessir. I’ll make sure to come up with some reasons.”

His father-in-law grins back at him, broad and bright, and then loops an arm around his shoulders.

“You’ve made my baby really happy. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that. Everything you do is for him and I can see that. You are a blessing in our lives and his.”

Jensen wipes his eyes, not subtly at all, and sees Jared lifting an eyebrow at him from across the yard before visibly relaxing when Jensen smiles back.

“But that being said, I expect you to keep up this level of good matehood.”

He hugs his father-in-law briefly before nodding.

“I will try my best.”

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Jared has had two episodes of false labor. Both times Jensen has completely lost his head. He’s not proud of it, but he also can’t help it. He thinks back to when he hung off the side of a skyscraper in Dubai for half a day waiting for a good shot at a Korean businessman. How hard the wind blew, how he would bounce into the side of the building no matter how hard he worked to get a harness that would stabilize him.

But every time Jared lets out one of those shaky cries or starts to breathe hard Jensen loses all ability to think and simply rushes around shouting and on the verge of tears. He can’t even focus on the importance of getting everything together.

The baby is right around the corner. A go bag lives permanently on the floor by the front door and his hands seem to endlessly shake when Jared moves around the apartment doing the million things that aren’t necessary and he won’t let Jensen do. His mate is energetic, rebellious, and Jensen has always known that. It doesn’t change his belief that Jared could just…slow down a little and let Jensen take over.

He pitches it multiple ways including trying to talk Jared into believing that he totally _wouldn’t_ love to do everything and it would make him basically Jared’s slave.

Nothing works.

What he’s left with is the job of trailing behind Jared and trying to not be killed by the laughter directed at him. Beth and Aldis have become fast friends with Jared, and the three of them treat Chris and Jensen like village idiots. Jensen isn’t sure how it happened, but he has resigned himself to it.

The longer the baby waits the more of a toll it takes on Jensen’s calm demeanor. He snaps at Chris one day when Chris puts the wrong kind of syrup on Jared’s sundae. Beth and Aldis give him a look but Chris is sympathetic. Especially after Jared hits him in the head with a shoe.

Jensen remembers when his mother first hired Chris to be his handler. He believed at the time that his mother thought Chris and he would end up together. It was another way to control him, and it backfired spectacularly. With time and experience the two of them became inseparable, able to understand and communicate with each other without ever needing to do much more than a look.

Now he is grateful for Chris for other reasons. The community is torn in three camps when it comes to what Jensen has done. Some are insisting on staying neutral, either because they don’t want to be a part of what is essentially a family squabble or because they don’t want to end on either Ackles’ bad side. For the other two positions a few of the operators want Jensen taken out for leaving the life, betraying his mother, and people he took out before in his life. The rest seem to think that Jensen is living a life they plan to have, or only dream of.

Chris manages every camp. He keeps lines of communication open with the neutrals to make sure that if there any favors he can to keep them neutral he does. For the people who support Jensen’s call Chris offers the same service, and Jensen has a feeling his old friend is going to find a way to keep Jensen employed after things settle down without incurring Jared’s wrath or breaking his promise.

And for those that are against Jensen? Chris has both started shutting them down and letting them know that they are in great danger if they try anything. Jensen knows that Chris has stopped two potential hits. It seems almost too easy. Chris insists that it wasn’t.

He has to remain calm. He has to.

When the delivery dates arrives and passes Jensen thinks that he will be a gray haired old man by the time the baby decides to stop being stubborn and terrifying. Jared takes the opposite route and becomes a rage monster.

“What the fuck are you doing? Come on! Come on out!” Jared is pacing the apartment, his mouth twisted in anger and his fists tight at his sides.

“Jared. Jared sit down maybe? Maybe relaxing will make it happen?”

“No. They say walking around can induce labor. And spicy food which you are supposed to be fucking making.”

Jensen goes back to adding chili powder to the mix on the stove.

“And sex. Can you fuck me while you cook and I walk? Can we move your treadmill over here?”

He actually takes time to think about the logistics of it, which is a bad sign for his sanity.

“No. No that’s way too dangerous. Come taste this? Tell me what you think?”

Jared takes two steps his way, holds out a hand, and then freezes in place. His pulse spikes and his hands start to shake as he watches Jared’s mouth open and his fingers fly to his belly.

“Goddamn it! Wait. Wait. Jensen I have time. Finish the chili.”

“What do you mean finish the chili? I’m not finishing the chili. We are going to the hospital. We are going to the hospital right now! Let me get the bag and lift you up.”

“I’m hungry. I’m really hungry and there’s chili and your chili is really good.”

He can’t believe what he’s hearing. Jared must have gone insane. Something has happened here that Jensen can neither understand nor begin to react to.

“Jared? No, sweetheart, I can make you chili later. I promise. I can finish it and bring it to the hospital. But we gotta go. The baby is coming.”

Jared’s eyes are wild, wide, and there’s too much white.

“I really wanna stay and have the chili.”

He gets it, and then he sees Jared understanding that he got it. His mate’s hands are shaking as they grab him.

“I’m not ready. Jensen I’m not ready.”

“I know Jared. I know and I’m sorry, but we’re gonna do this and you’re going to do amazing. You couldn’t do any less. So scoop some chili into a bowl and I’m going to carry you out while you eat and we’re going to have an amazing baby.”

Jared’s eyes are bright and wet as Jensen runs for the bag, runs back and turns the oven off, and then scoops his mate up. Jared weighs more now, but Jensen can handle it. He walks out the door, kicking it shut behind him and engaging the security systems. His hands only shake a little as he carries his entire world in them.

The drive to the hospital is a blur. Later when asked if he sped he’s not even sure that he drove. Jared is breaking his wrist, gripping it with white knuckles and trying to breathe through the pain and fear. In between grunts and curses he eats the chili with a look of determined frustration.

If Jared asks later Jensen will make chili every night for the rest of their lives. The promise of it seems to have brought his baby to the world.

The Padaleckis beat them to the hospital by about two minutes. Sherri is waiting at the doors with their obstetrician and a nurse, and Jensen helps them load Jared up and then runs along as they start clipping on monitors and wires. Jared demands an epidural, and then bites at the nurse when he tries to take his chili bowl.

Jensen has never been prouder or more in love.

Sherri stays with them in the delivery room. She towels Jared’s brow and talks to him gentle and sweet while Jensen handles the hand breaking, angry parts of Jared. Between the two of them his mate stays engaged and distracted while the process of labor goes on for what seems like a million years but is, in reality, five hours.

And then there is a wail, thready and thin, and Jensen’s heart breaks into a million pieces. He is not ashamed that he bursts into tears at the sound. Beside him Jared is wordless, mouth open and hair limp with sweat. He holds Jensen’s hand, both of them shaking, and then the doctor lifts the little bloody body up where they can both see.

“It’s a boy.” He smiles brightly. “Omega.”

Jared lets out a sound that Jensen knows is relief, and he immediately copies it so that his mate won’t feel guilty later. He sees hazel eyes cut to the side at him and then Jared smiles. Jensen smiles back.

The doctor waves him over and Jensen goes, taking the baby after the cord has been cut and he’s been wrapped in a little blue blanket. Jensen turns to Sherri and she wordlessly hands him the green blanket he didn’t tell Jared they were bringing. His mate makes a sound, choked and warm, and then Jensen switches the green blanket ever so carefully and brings their son over to his mate’s waiting arms.

They had planned names for every potential. Jensen watches as Jared presses his lips to their son’s head and then speaks softly to the little baby wriggling in his arms.

“Hello Luke.”

Jensen bends, slowly, gripping the side of the bed and kisses his mate and then their baby.

“Hello Luke.”

Sherri snaps a picture.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It is their first moment without someone else in the room. Between doctors, nurses, aides, and family they have been inundated. Now it’s quiet, the two of them laying in the bed with the baby on both their chests sleeping happily. They were warned that the baby might not eat right away and could take some time to figure the process out but Luke finished his first bottle with no instruction and little encouragement.

Jensen is inordinately proud of this.

“How did we pull this off Jensen?”

“A miracle.”

Jared laughs softly, brokenly, and then takes a deep breath of the smell of Luke.

“He’s perfect.”

“Gets it from his daddy.”

When Jared gives him a look Jensen buries his face in his mate’s hair. Jared has been drifting a little, stress and tension along with physical exhaustion combining to make him slip into snoring mid-sentence. When Jared is quiet for five minutes Jensen thinks this has happened again.

He’s wrong. He lifts his head and Jared is staring at Luke with a face that speaks of awe and wonder.

“I didn’t- for the longest time I didn’t think I would feel this way. That I could. I didn’t want a mate and I didn’t want children. I just wanted to be known for my skill, to give people an art that no one else could. And when I figured out I was pregnant I couldn’t tell what I wanted. I couldn’t figure out what to do. Everything happened so fast I just sort of accepted it. But now. I’m so happy Jensen. I’m so fu-freaking happy.”

If he thought that his heart had swollen to his chest’s maximum capacity he was wrong. Jensen is breathless from how much he loves his mate at that moment.

“When I was a boy my daddy told me something like that. He said that after he met mother and they got together they agreed to no kids. Her work at the time required traveling and Daddy wanted to rise up in his profession. But he said the first time I grabbed his finger he knew that I was the best thing he could ever make.”

Jensen doesn’t realize that he is crying until Jared’s big hand catches his face, one long thumb stroking under his eyes and collecting the tears there.

“I always thought of that. When mother was angry, when I was locked out, when I was alone. That I was something good that he made. That I carried on what he did. But I wasn’t a great legacy for him for a while. I let her talk me into that and I shouldn’t have. So same here Jay. I’m so happy.”

Either the admission, the moment, or the look on his face gains Jensen a kiss from Jared that is sweet and long, full of tenderness. Jensen hugs both of them a little tighter and opens his mouth to give Jared all the access he could need.

It’s beautiful. It’s terrifying.

They fall asleep holding on to Luke and each other.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Beth has fallen in love with Luke and won’t share very much with Aldis and Chris. Jensen takes advantage of the hushed squabble to get into the bathroom with Jared and take a long shower. It’s intimate without being sexual as they lean into each other, relishing in the water and the closeness.

When they come out Beth and Aldis both look grumpy as they sit on Chris’ lap with the baby in Beth’s grip.

“What happened?”

He can’t help himself. Everyone gives him the stink eye minus Chris and Luke.

“Jared. Please tell this idiot to take turns.”

Jared looks at Beth for a long moment, considering, and then he holds out both hands. She surrenders Luke almost instantly.

“Chris, next visit, Beth and Aldis get to hold Luke the whole time and you just get to watch.”

His best friend leaves grumbling so darkly Jensen is almost intimidated. _Almost_.

They settle down into the bed again, Jared stroking Luke’s head and speaking so softly Jensen can’t tell what he’s saying from across the room. He goes to the nurse’s station and gets more formula fixed up to take back to their room. When he gets back Jared is asleep, sprawled out across the bed, and Luke is murmuring gently and wriggling.

Jensen lifts their little boy up and starts feeding him. He watches Jared sleeping as he rubs their baby’s belly softly and listens to the sound of Jared snoring. That warm and almost overwhelming love that has become such a standard of his days weakens his knees, and Jensen sits on the edge of the bed as Luke keeps downing the bottle.

“You’ll grow up so big and strong. Just like your daddy. You’ll be the best of both of us, and we’ll learn from you even as you learn from us. There will never be a day when we regret you, because you are the most incredible little thing we could have ever dreamed of. I love you. I have loved you since the first moment I knew you existed and I will love you until long after I am dust.”

Luke blinks a little, face starting to go slack and lips softening around the bottle. Jensen lifts him up gently and starts patting.

“Perfect. You are perfect.”

Their baby, the pride of his life and the best thing he’s ever done, throws up all over his shoulder before falling asleep.

“Still perfect.”


	3. Chapter 3

Jensen knows that he’s dreaming.

Beside him his daddy is sipping from a Mexican coke bottle on the porch of the cabin. His daddy always loved the Mexican coke best because it had real cane sugar. In the distance over the water there is a storm, dark clouds raining hail down onto the water.

“Daddy?”

He’s tiny again. So much smaller than he was when his daddy passed, just a little boy. A hand he remembers only in dreams reaches out and slides into his hair. Rubs it gently as his daddy keeps looking out over the water and sipping his coke.

“Daddy? Please?”

Fingers card through his hair, and Jensen closes his eyes and leans into the touch.

“I love you baby. I always have. You know that right?”

Jensen nods, keeps his eyes closed. He thinks with the mind of a much older man, but his logic is childish at best. If he keeps his eyes closed he won’t see the storm coming closer. He won’t be scared awake.

“But I need you to open your eyes and look at me now. I know it’s scary but I need you too.”

He swallows, wants to argue and try to ignore, but it’s his daddy. His daddy rarely asks anything of him.

Eyes open, he looks at the familiar and loving face. The eyes he inherited, the jaw, the lips. His father, Luke Ackles.

“Why was your mother traveling?”

It’s the last thing he expected. Nightmares, at least the ones he’s had since he met Jared, have always had a singular and obvious theme. Why would his daddy ask that? He looks over to the hail and then back to his daddy.

“I don’t- because that’s her job. She travels.”

“No baby. Listen to me. Why was she traveling? Why were we fighting before she traveled?”

Jensen doesn’t know. He shakes his head and stands, unable to move away from his daddy but not wanting to be here any longer.

“Jensen. I love you. But you have to open your eyes and look at me. You have to answer my questions.”

He opens his mouth, something about to come, something that makes perfect sense in the crazy logic of this world where his daddy is alive and at his cabin and wants him to answer decade old questions he’s never had.

And then he is back in the hospital, and Jared is pale and staring at him.

“What? Jay, what happened?”

Jared strokes his face gently.

“You were snoring, and then you stopped breathing. Just- Jesus fucking Christ that was scary.”

He doesn’t mention the language. He lets Jared wrap around him, settle Luke into his side, and he shakes quietly while he tries to remember what he was about to tell his daddy.

“I think I was having a nightmare.”

Warm lips press against his neck. When Jared talks it make Jensen shiver again.

“How do you think you were having a nightmare? Do you not remember or are you not sure it was scary?”

Jensen strokes Jared’s hair, then strokes Luke’s tiny and smooth head.

“I didn’t pick Luke because of Star Wars.”

He feels a shift, Jared pressing more firmly against him.

“Well that’s disappointing. I was tricked.”

“It was my daddy’s name.”

Silence reigns. Outside of the hospital room the world keeps turning. Nurses move here and there, doctors go from room to room, babies are born and people die on wings above and below them.

“Dude. That wasn’t fair. Now I’m a dick for making a joke.”

His lips curl gently, and he knows that Jared can feel it.

“Is that the only reason you think you’re a dick?”

“Jen. Language.”

He laughs softly. He does not go back to sleep.

 

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

It’s time to leave. There is a horde of Padaleckis with no less than three car seats. Jensen lets Jared explain to them how Luke only needs one while he signs forms and gently bounces their son.

Either Gerry or Sherri went into the apartment while they were gone to clean up and make sure everything is in place. Jensen will check with Chris later because he knows that his friend has been monitoring the security system while they were in the hospital.

He and Jared enjoy several hours of putting Luke into positions where he has to interact with the things they’ve put together and taking pictures of their adorable baby giving literally no fucks about any of it. The game ends when Luke starts crying and nothing will calm him down.

It goes on for about forty minutes before Jensen can see the way that Jared is starting to panic. He knows why too. He hooks Jared with his free hand and pulls both of them into him before he starts slow dancing with his mate and baby. If Jared makes fun of him for looking the song up and learning it he will never forgive him.

“They’re playing our song, they’re playing our song, can you see the light? Can you hear the hum?”

Jared goes along with it, rocking side to side with him as he moves his way through the words. Jared hums in deference to the baby’s vulnerable ears.

“Now I see you 'til kingdom come you're the one I want, to see me for all the stupid stuff I've done.”

At first he isn’t even sure it will work, but the slower they go and the more in sync they are the quieter their baby’s cries get.

“Soil and six feet under, killed just like we were, before you knew you’d know me, and you know me, blooming up from the ground, three rounds and a sound.”

Luke’s head tilts a little, a little more.

“And the criss cross, of what is true won't get to us, cause you know me, I could not give up on you.”

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Luke falls fully asleep, limp in between them, but Jensen finishes the song. Half out of fear that the spell will be broken, and half because of the gentle smile on Jared’s face. 

“You’re not half bad at that.”

Jensen smiles too brightly, probably super dorky, but uncontrollably happy at the world he is holding on to. 

“Well I’ve been practicing to sing the songs you listen to that I can understand.”

Eyes roll, arms squeeze him tight, and then they part so that Jared can take Luke to the bathroom to clean up a little. Jensen uses the time to move the crib into the bedroom. 

If asked later he’ll say he doesn’t know why he did it. They had talked about it for months and agreed that they would have Luke sleep in another room. It just made sense. Jensen was a light enough sleeper that he would wake up the moment that the baby started crying, and Jared would follow soon after. They had agreed to keep just a modicum of distance so that they wouldn’t become those parents that couldn’t separate and foster independence when the time came. 

And if Jared thought anything of Jensen breaking their agreement when he entered the bedroom and saw the crib?

Well, he said nothing. 

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

 

Two and a half months later and Jensen has forgotten what it was like to sleep regularly. Jared has adopted a permanent squint, nothing in the world seeming to allow him to be fully awake. Jensen has resorted to having a permanent pot of coffee on so that he can function properly. 

Luke can’t seem to decide if he prefers sleeping at night or during the day. Sherry says Jared was the same way, but when Jensen said that made it all Jared’s fault they both gave him a mean look. Gerry silently charade coached him into apologizing and going to get pizza. 

He’s sitting on the floor beside Jared, chewing on a slice of vegetable pizza while Jared insists to his momma that he’s eating just fine, and that his almost reclaiming his pre-baby body already is due to just exercise. 

Jensen can attest that it’s true, but Luke is making a weird face and staring at him and Jensen is too busy studying their son and trying to figure out what’s happening. If it’s going to be vomit Jensen wants his pizza as far from Luke as possible. He’s seen a lot of gore in his life and it’s nothing compared to baby vomit.

“Jensen. Jensen!” 

A foot gently taps his shoulder and Jensen’s pizza hand moves and rubs sauce on his face. Luke’s face crumples, pulls up, and then for the first time since he was born their baby laughs. Jensen is breathless again, staring in wonder at their little miracle. Sherry is fumbling out her cell phone and Gerry is already recording. Behind him Jensen feels the warmth of Jared draping over him and Jared comes over his shoulder to kiss Luke on the head.

This makes their son laugh harder.

It’s magical, musical, perfect. Jensen has never heard a better sound in his life. He takes the pizza and rubs more on his face, and Luke keeps laughing and laughing. It’s the greatest moment he’s ever lived. 

Then Luke throws up on him. He’s still laughing, but now everybody else is too. Except Jensen.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

At four months Luke finally throws up on Jared. Jensen isn’t proud of himself, but he does a little victory dance. Jared gives him a look before heading into the bathroom to clean both of them up. Jensen follows, catching clothes Jared is shucking before they hit the floor and he has to mop up behind them. 

Jared fills the tub, checking the water constantly, and then slips in with Luke held carefully against his chest. It’s hard not to stare. Really hard.

The tan that Jared had from the California sun when they met still hasn’t faded. His ink is still perfect, shades of bright and dark depicting his mate’s independence and strength. And there, laying on his chest, is the greatest representation of that he could ever hope for. Jensen is so happy his heart physically hurts. Nothing has ever been this beautiful before. 

“You look so dorky right now. Like. Super dorky.”

“I can’t stop looking at how beautiful you both are. At how lucky I am.”

Jared bites his lip, looking down at Luke. 

“You keep saying that like you didn’t have a part in it. But you totally did.”

“I just. I believe. I believe that all the good things in you will be in him, and that all the bad things in me will just skip a generation.”

“Are you suggesting we have a hitman grandchild?”

Jensen can’t help himself. 

“I can’t wait to be grandparents.”

Jared’s mouth puckers tight. His hands are still stroking Luke gently but his face says death.

“The hell you can’t.”

“I don’t mean like. I don’t mean he has to get pregnant I just mean. You know because…”

It sounds stupid. Even in his head. Jared, in a rare moment, shows mercy.

“Baby crazy alpha idiot.”

Jensen’s so grateful he pulls Jared’s feet out of the bathtub and starts rubbing, keeping an eye on his mate and his baby to make sure they stay above the water.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jared is holding interviews downstairs with Beth and Aldis. Jensen finds himself pacing the floor of the apartment with Luke pressed against him and Chris giving him a look. He doesn’t care for the look. 

“If it bugs you that bad maybe you should go downstairs. You could just…sit back and watch or something man.”

He licks his lips, bouncing Luke slightly when their son threatens to wake up and get loud. 

“I really don’t think Jared would mind that much. Just stay out of their way.”

Luke just doesn’t care for any of this. Jensen thinks Luke knows that his daddy isn’t protected well enough, and that Jensen would be at fault should anything go wrong here. He doesn’t want to point that out because it’s probably going to end poorly if he does. After all, Luke is just a baby he doesn’t get to call the shots here.

“You know I vetted all of them. I did it first and Aldis and Beth checked it after.”

But then again, Luke calls a lot of shots despite being a baby. He can be loud. Louder than both of them combined. Their baby has incredibly healthy lungs. 

“Jesus, man. Sit down. You’re wearing out the floor.”

He wouldn’t be doing that if he’d put those carpets down. They would be protecting the floor from Jensen’s boots. 

And Jared from the floor, and Luke from the floor, and all sorts of things. Maybe he’ll put the carpet down anyway. Maybe that’s what’s warranted here. The solution to all of his problems. 

“You’ll wake up the baby.”

It’s like a magic trick. Jensen sits immediately down on the floor and does not consider standing up. 

“See? Everything is fine despite you sitting down and holding the baby like a reasonable person.”

No. It’s certain. _He hates Chris_. 

“Either you need to do something about your concerns or stop having them. You’re just gonna go insane if all you do is pace and be crazy.”

“You don’t know how bad this is.”

Chris’s lips twitch hard. It’s obvious he wants to laugh but won’t. His friend does have some self-control it seems. 

“You’re right, I don’t, but I might someday and I hope that you’ll be the sane one and tell me to stop being an idiot so that no one gets it on camera and shares it with everyone.”

That’s when he sees the phone is pointed at him. He takes several deep and calming breaths. He thinks of the many ways he knows to effectively kill a person. 

“Who are you sharing that with?”

“Like. Just everyone man. Every last one of them.”

“I really do hate you. How do we assure that she won’t get to him?”

The humor dies instantly. He watches Chris turn that over and over in his head before leaning towards Jensen and Luke. 

“I swear Jensen. I swear on everything. She will not touch Jared. Never.”

“Thank you.”

“Any time. Now shut up and let me admire your bundle of joy during his brief abandonment of constant wailing.”

Luke immediately wakes up shrieking. Jensen adds to the list against Chris. 

 

Luke is ten months old. Jensen is definitely not going stir crazy, but he does dream the apartment loses all its walls and they float from place to place. Or keep the walls and teleport. Teleport just all over the place. 

He dreams of that until Luke gets sleepy, or friendly, or sweet. Then all Jensen wants is to be there, holding his baby, watching him grow. He can’t help the way he simpers. He can’t help any of it. 

And Jared is just the worst. Jared makes tons of jokes as if it’s totally irrational that Jensen thinks Luke is the greatest thing to ever sit on the earth. He acts like it’s not impressive that Luke is sitting up. _Sitting up_. 

Some nights when Jared comes back upstairs rolling his shoulders and stretching his fingers he greets Jensen and Luke with the most uproarious laughter. The room practically shakes with how happy his mate is in those moments, eyes landing on Jensen and Luke as Jensen tries to help Luke crawl or grasp faster. Jared will cross the floor and drop down to one knee, kissing Luke on the head and then kissing Jensen in the same way. And that’s ok. Jensen doesn’t mind that Jared treats him like the domesticated partner he has obviously become. Well trained and brought into a world of diapers and kids’ shows and everything else. 

Some nights Jared comes in grumbling, something at the shop pissing him off, and he refuses to tell Jensen about it. Instead he sits on the couch fuming and angry at the world but unable to share any of it. Jensen knows without Jared saying it that his mate will not tell him what’s happening because he thinks Jensen would slip out of the house and take care of the issues bloody. 

Jensen isn’t sure he wouldn’t, so he doesn’t argue it at all. He wiggles Luke close to Jared and waits for their baby’s perfect adorable face to melt the ice and fire inside of Jared and bring them all back together.  

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

His daddy is laying next to him with the sun beating down on their faces and water gently lapping at the shore. He is tall now, filling out and just starting to get out of his lanky teenage face. Daddy is almost shorter than him, just a few inches, and he’s excited for it. His daddy reaches out and loops an arm around his neck before pulling him in. 

When he was a baby he would do this. Wrapped in his daddy’s arms with his ear over his daddy’s heart. He listens now as he did then to the gentle heartbeat under his daddy’s chest. 

“Your momma wants you to go on a business trip with her. She wants you to learn the business.”

Jensen licks his lips, looking at the rise and fall of his daddy’s shirt.

“Yeah she said.”

“Do you want to do that?”

He licks his lips again. He’s not sure. Not sure that he can do this. He’s not even sure what’s being asked of him at this point. He knows that his mother travels. He knows that she gets in trouble sometimes in the areas she goes to. 

“I don’t know. I wish I did, but she isn’t gonna wait for me to figure it out.”

Gentle fingers run through his hair. He feels himself melting, slipping into his daddy.

“Jen, you need to do what you want. If you don’t want to follow in your momma’s footsteps you don’t have to. I’ll talk to her.”

The air gets cold, the sun slipping behind sudden clouds and the water going dark and turbulent. 

Did this happen? Jensen thinks so. He thinks it happened and he thinks he knows when. 

The question is why he can’t remember it. 

“Wake up baby. You gotta wake up. The storm is coming.”

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It’s wrong. Something is wrong. Jensen knows it the minute he opens his eyes. Jared is sprawled over him snoring and sweating and the apartment is quiet and still. 

He slips out of his mate’s hold, reaching underneath the bed and pulling the knife he strapped there when they moved in. Jared gave him a look but Jensen made sure that it wasn’t something Luke could stumble onto and take. 

Quiet. It’s so quiet. He checks Luke and their baby is sleeping on his back sprawled out just like his daddy. Jensen’s heart swells and pushes tightly against the cage of his ribs. He strokes Luke’s cheek and then steps out into the living room. It’s still quiet. 

Jensen’s entire world is asleep in the room behind him. The weight of that comes to the forefront when he hears the creak to his right, and he turns fast and sees a dark shape. And then the world is tilting and falling, and Jensen sees only red. He strikes out hard, knife catching something and then metal connects with his face and his head bounces off the wood of the floor. If there was a carpet it wouldn’t hurt so fucking bad he thinks bitterly as the world violently spins. 

One more strike out and Jensen feels the knife slip into what can only be the thigh. He hears a scream, and he swallows a mouthful of his own blood as he twists the metal in flesh and listens to the scream go higher. He knows that Chris is watching. He knows that even if they somehow got past the alarm without setting it off Chris monitors the feed. Chris, Beth, and Aldis will see it and come running. They’re not far from here at all. 

A hand sinks into his hair, but Jensen can’t see. Everything is red. His eyes are full of blood and the world is getting dark and darker. 

And then there is a wail, loud and lively, and Jensen’s heart breaks into a million pieces. He is not ashamed that he bursts into tears at the sound. The hand in his hair tightens and he hears Jared scream too, loud and lively. His omegas. His better parts.

His humanity.

“I’ll fucking kill you! Let them go! Let them fucking go!”

Fingers touch Jensen’s mouth, and he bites them. His mouth fills with a different blood, and then there’s a loud crack and Jensen knows nothing but the darkness and the sound of everything he loves screaming. 

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Jensen wakes up to more wailing. He thinks that maybe if he stays very still there won’t be a sound that reminds him of the loss of everything he loves. It is dark where he is. It is dark and he stays still and hopes death will take him. Someone is talking, someone he doesn’t know, and he thinks that maybe they know him. They are not warm when they talk. 

He falls asleep again. He is on the shore of the lake and his mother is standing beside him. He holds in his hands the ashes of his daddy. He knows that in a moment he will release it into the water and watch his daddy wash away. 

“Today we mourn. The work starts tomorrow.”

He knows, deep in his soul, that this is the last time he will be with his daddy. There is nothing left to him now but the work. His mother is right. 

At the very least, he got the bastard. He got the bastard that got his daddy. 

He is Santa Muerte. He is the Saint of Death. He is the hand of vengeance.

He is empty. 

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When Jensen wakes up again he hears hushed voices. He can open his eyes but he sees nothing. There’s a hand on his thigh and the voices are harsh and angry. It’s Beth and Aldis arguing. Chris is there, he can smell his old friend over the lingering dry scent of blood in his nostrils. 

He smells something else. Something that at first he thinks is simply his battered brain making up a little bit of hope to keep him from finding a way to end his life right there in the darkness of the hospital bed. 

And then it’s not a ghost, it’s Jared. Jared with his face pressed against Jensen’s. Jared knows that he’s awake. 

“Jen. Jen. Oh fucking thank fuck Jen. Jen.”

His mate is weeping against his skin. There are hot tears rolling across his flesh as big hands stroke along his body gently, skipping spots Jensen knows must be in worse shape than the rest, and lips pressing against him. Jared is here. _Jared is alive._

“Luke?”

There’s a deep breath, Jensen doesn’t know who, and Jared’s mouth stutters against his skin. 

“Gone. They took him.”

Jared is angry. And he should be. This is what Jensen has brought into his life. Heartbreak and ruin. 

“Sorry. Jay. Sorry. My-“

“If you say it’s your fault I swear to fuck I will break a fucking window. This isn’t your fault. This is your fucking mother. You didn’t do this. And they fucking- they fucking almost _killed_ you Jensen. I couldn’t do anything. They almost killed you. I almost lost you both.”

Beth’s voice cuts into the darkness and pain, hanging close to them. 

“We’ll find Luke. She won’t get away with this. Chris has already reached out along with Aldis and nobody will support her for this.”

Jensen’s grasp on consciousness trembles, the darkness getting thicker as he wobbles on the edge of reality and dream. 

And then his mate, fire and smoke and steel, all the things that Jensen knows and has learned through the long days of his life. 

“I’ll fucking kill her.”

The storm picks up and the waves crash into the shore. 

Daddy is here.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When he wakes up again there is light through gauzy bandages that apparently cover his eyes. He can hear talking again but this time it’s Chris and only him. There is a deep snuffling breath next to him that he recognizes as Jared sleeping. 

Chris senses that he’s awake. It goes quiet, and then Chris is by his side. 

“Jensen. I’m sorry.”

He holds out one hand, the one that has IV tubes plugged into it, and waits for Chris to take it. His friend doesn’t disappoint. 

“I need your help.”

Chris doesn’t speak long enough that Jensen goes on.

“I don’t know what’s gonna happen when these bandages come off but I can’t do this alone. She can’t have him long enough to taint him. To hurt him.”

Chris takes an audible breath and then he smooths one hand over Jensen’s, dancing nimbly around the tubes. 

“Jensen.”

“He’s alive. He’s alive Chris. She took him to ruin me. She took him to make me a monster again.”

“Jensen.”

“And I’ll kill her. I’ll kill her and everyone around her until I get our baby back and make this up to Jared.”

There’s a high, strident beeping and his hand is shaking in Chris’s light grip. The snuffling beside him stops.

“Jensen. Stop.”

And he does, but it’s hard for him.

“You ain’t doing this. You _can’t_ do this. You got a long road ahead of you and it ain’t gonna include any of the stuff needed here. Beth, Aldis, and I are gonna handle this while you recover.”

Jared’s hand touches Jensen’s side. He knows the feel and pressure of it now that he’s more himself. 

“I made you promise. I made you promise and now I need you to break that. I need you to help us get him back. I’m going with them.”

The lack of surprise from Chris lets Jensen know that this is not breaking news. He wonders if he gets to be angry or not. 

“Jared. This isn’t. She’s the second best in the world.”

The hand stays there, hot against his skin, and the strident screaming of his vitals monitor slows down and gentles.

“You’re the best, and you’re a fucking creampuff. You leading me will be a thousand times worse than her.”

Across the room the door swings shut and Aldis speaks wryly.

“That was the worst sentence construction I’ve ever heard.”

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jensen wakes up again, not sure how long he was out or how long he’s been here. The darkness is still with him. He wonders if it’ll ever go away. 

He can hear the gentle sound of Jared texting beside him. He moves his left hand until it touches his mate’s inner thigh. Jensen would know the feel of it anywhere. 

“Jared?”

“I told my parents that we’re on a surprise trip your old job sent us on. They said when we get back they wanna do a cookout. I figure after we get Luke back we’ll tell them there was some kind of accident. Or you got attacked somewhere. They’ll be worried but they’ll never have to know what happened or why.”

He licks his dry lips, and then suddenly there’s a rattling and Jared is putting ice chips against his lips and Jensen opens his mouth to take them.

“Chris told me that you think it was always Luke. That she was planning to take Luke.”

Jensen nods, very slowly, and there’s so much pain at the movement that he gasps despite himself. Jared’s hand strokes his hair gently.

“Why do you think that Jensen?”

It hurts. Everything hurts. 

“Daddy’s been talking to me.”

Morphine? He thinks the rush of warmth is morphine. He’s starting to drift and he knows that he should just let go but Jared is here and he needs to know. 

His mate’s voice is hesitant when it comes back.

“Jen? Your daddy is-“

“Dead.” It reverberates around the room, but he can see his daddy standing right there by the water. The water that Jensen spread his ashes into after he put the last name in the ledger. “He’s got my ledger.”

Jared mutters for a second, something Jensen can’t understand, and then starts to get up. Jensen uses his left hand to still his mate.

“I put the wrong name in. You see? I put the wrong name in. Mother killed him. I knew it then and I made myself not see but he’s reminding me. She killed him because he helped me tell her no. And I thought she would hurt you because you helped me too. You make me human. But she took our baby so she could get it done that way.”

Daddy is smoothing his right hand down. Daddy is reordering the tubes for his IV. Daddy’s hands are so soft and warm, like morphine cradling him from the grave. 

He distantly feels Jared’s mouth touch his forehead and then he hears his mate’s voice coming from afar as daddy nods in agreement. 

“You were never not human Jen. You made mistakes and I get that. I didn’t like what you did for a living, but it didn’t change who you were. She can’t make you not human.”

But he’s already gone. He can’t stay here. Everything goes pitch black again as he rocks on the water. 

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jensen wakes up to dogs barking. He’s in a vet hospital. He tries vainly to think of where the nearest hideout clinic is to them, but nothing comes. He doesn’t even really know if he’s still close to where they live or if he was moved further away for safety.

What’s happening to Jared’s shop? Is his mate’s life being ruined in extra ways? 

Can Jensen fix it at all?

Vaguely he remembers some of the conversations before. His friends are working to get news on his baby, his mate is here and doesn’t hate him infinitely, and he’s been hallucinating. It only now occurs to him that he could not possibly have seen his daddy. His eyes are still bandaged tight, but Jensen can tell from the whining of the fluorescents that the lights are on and they are not filtering to him much at all. 

His vision is severely damaged. It might not come back. He’s pretty sure he got kicked in the skull a few times with a steel toed boot. 

Jared is sitting beside him. He can tell from the quiet that his mate is awake, warmth pressed against his side. 

“Jay?”

There’s a pause, a breath, and then Jared’s voice is calm and quiet. 

“What’s it like? Killing someone?”

He tilts his head. The question doesn’t mean a lot to him anymore.

“It depends on the person. Sometimes it’s like a chore. Sometimes it’s a puzzle. Sometimes it’s just the last thing you have to do. At times I think the hardest part was just remembering why I was doing it.”

“But it was only bad people?” He feels Jared’s fingers running along his arm, the pressure of the tips going light and heavy as they pass over injuries. “You only killed bad people right?”

Jensen knows where this is going. And now that he’s a little bit closer to the surface of this lake he is drowning in he wants to make sure that he says something a little clearer and more reasonable about this plan. 

“You can’t. I wish that I could give you what you need, but you actually can’t. She’s as good as me. Maybe better than me, maybe not as good. It’s been a while since she was the one doing all the work so she may be rusty. But there’s nothing in this world that will change my mind about letting you-“

“Traumatic Optic Neuropathy. That’s what they said you have. The surgery can end with fucking a ton of potential infections and viral complications. The steroid treatment has a ridiculously low improvement rate. They won’t know for sure until all the swelling goes down but you might not see much if any again. And the swelling won’t go down for a while. So before you tell me that you can’t _let_ me save our child and kill that _monster_ consider how long it’s going to be before you can maybe see to point a gun.”

He’s silent for long enough Jared hears what he said. 

“I- shit. Fucking _shit_. I’m sorry Jen. You know I don’t- I just can’t-“

“When I met you.” Jared’s fingers are still travelling. Still exploring despite the hesitance in Jared’s breathing. “When I met you I had no plan. I was just doing my job and doing my job over and over again. And then I saw you standing next to that _khui_ , and you looked so tired. So tired and run down and defiant about being tired and run down. I realized I could see all that in you despite being on top of a building so far away. I could see it because I _felt_ it. And all I wanted in that moment was to see you look happy and relaxed. I thought that maybe if I could take that exhaustion from you I wouldn’t be exhausted anymore either. I wouldn’t be stuck. I know you said you don’t blame me, but I blame myself. For never seeing far enough to understand her. And now I’m blind and I can’t protect you, and I can’t protect our baby, and I can’t protect myself or my friends. I’m blind. Ok. It’s maybe permanent. Ok. And you told me in not the nicest way. Ok. But you’re still here. And our baby is still out there. And I want to do what I can to give us all the best chance to be together again.”

Jared’s lips brush his temple. His head is hurting again from all the talking, the thinking, the hurting. He’s in the dark somewhere with his daddy. There was something he knew once and then he forgot it. Jared is kissing his head so gently. 

“Then tell me how to do it. Tell me how to do it for our family. For us.”

“You have to promise me something.”

“Anything. As long as it isn’t letting you go. Do you understand? It’s all of us or nothing. You’re not expendable.”

Something, some piece inside of Jensen that was floating free and lost, that he didn’t know or understand until this moment, clicks comfortably into place. 

“Danneel.”

“What?”

But Jensen is already falling asleep again.


	4. Chapter 4

“She’s a psychopath! That’s what she is.”

 

Jensen was prepared for this. Chris is pacing so loudly it makes his head hurt. Beth and Aldis are oddly quiet.

 

“What do you mean a psychopath? Like a person that kills people for money? Because that’s kind of what we need here.” Jared doesn’t sound amused, but Jensen know that there is a thread of it buried somewhere in the taunt.

 

“No. Like a psychopath. Like a person who enjoys the work and enjoys putting herself in danger, and enjoys putting her _mate_ in danger, and just generally enjoys danger because she’s a fucking psychopath.”

 

Beth cuts in, her voice extremely calm and sure.

 

“I’ll call Gen. She’ll get Danneel in on it.”

 

“Beth! You can’t be serious! The last time we worked with that woman she _stabbed me with a paperclip_.”

 

Aldis responds this time.

 

“Yeah, but in her defense you were being pretty sassy.”

 

“Sassy? You support me being stabbed when I’m _sassy_?”

 

“Well. Yeah. But just slightly.”

 

Jared is starting to twitch beside him. Jensen reaches out and pats until he finds Jared’s hand and takes it.

 

“Danneel is an operator that we’ve worked with on and off for the last couple years. She’s a little hot-headed, but she’s also firmly neutral when it comes to organizational infighting. My mother adores her.”

 

“Then why would she help us?” Jared’s fingers are linked so tightly with his he doesn’t know if it would hurt without the morphine. “Won’t she insist on staying neutral?”

 

“No. She won’t.” Beth comes back, her voice closer than it was before. It’s hard not to jump at it. “She won’t and Jensen is right on this. She’s the only one that could get close enough to his mother to help us take her down. The only one that can lure her out of whatever hole she’s crawled into.”

 

“Why’s that?” Jared sounds more frustrated than intrigued.

 

Jensen answers him.

 

“Because only four people in the world know that two years ago someone took her daughter. And I got her back.”

 

Chris responds, voice thick as he tries to not sound offended. “You what? How did I not know about- _vacation_. You said you were finally taking a vacation! Beth bought your tickets! You two lied to me!”

 

There’s a beat before Aldis adds, “Oh don’t give me that look, I didn’t know shit!”

 

Jensen would feel bad about starting this series of events, but he’s so sleepy at this point he can’t make himself really do anything but start to drift. Jared’s fingers squeeze on his, and he wakes up enough to know that everyone has left.

 

“Is this chick dangerous?”

 

He considers the question. It’s certainly valid.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Dangerous to us?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“But she owes you.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Jared is silent for a long time. Long enough that Jensen thinks maybe that’s the end of it. And then his voice comes from close to Jensen’s ear.

 

“When we get Luke back, we’re gonna figure out how to help your eyes more. Therapy or treatment or whatever. And if it doesn’t come back then we figure that out too. And you get a new tattoo. I haven’t decided what yet. Maybe I’ll make you sit still while I try out UV sensitive ink or something. I mean, if you can’t fucking see I guess what it is won’t matter right?”

 

And wonder of all wonders, Jensen laughs. It is brief, and it hurts, but it’s real and there. He’s so grateful for Jared he can’t speak. His mate sounds a little more confident when he picks it back up.

 

“I think we should go on a family vacation. I think Luke needs to see Orlando. Universal Studios.”

 

“I think Luke is too young to appreciate that.”

 

“I think you can hold Luke when I do the roller coasters.”

 

“I think you just wanna go for you.”

 

“I think what makes me happy makes you and Luke happy.”

 

Jensen’s lips quirk without him.

 

“Yeah. That’s definitely true.”

 

“When we get him back, everything is going to be fine.”

 

He clings to Jared.

 

“You’re so much stronger than me.”

 

“What?”

 

“You’re so much stronger. Stronger and braver and smarter. And I am so lucky to have you and so sorry I’m not worth it.”

 

Jared’s fingers stroke his hair.

 

“That’s not true. The worth it part.”

 

Jensen tilts his head as much as he can. Kisses the fingers that linger in the air over his face.

 

“And so humble.”

 

 

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

He expects, because he’s known her for a long time, to have a lot of jokes and sass when she comes through the door. Danneel has always been good at being irreverent in times of stress.

 

That doesn’t happen. The door opens, he hears that, and he feels Jared tense up beside him, and then her smell is there. He can smell Genevieve behind her.

 

There’s silence for a long moment, Jared is winding up beside him, and then Genevieve speaks.

 

“You tell us what you need Jensen. Anything you need.”

 

He can feel Jared’s confusion. Danneel is still silent. He turns his head in Genevieve’s direction though, because that is how this is going.

 

“Gen, Danni, this is my mate Jared. Jared this is Danneel and Genevieve.”

 

“It’s. Hi.”

 

Danneel doesn’t laugh. Jensen feels weight press down on that side of the bed and then a hand lightly brushes the bandages at the top of his head.

 

She still doesn’t speak. It’s making Jensen nervous.

 

“I need my son back. I need my son back and I need her gone so this can never happen again.”

 

Jared’s fingers link with his before his mate speaks.

 

“And I need to be involved.”

 

Gen is closer when she speaks again.

 

“You ever killed anybody?”

 

“No. But I’m more than willing. They stole my baby. They hurt my mate. I want blood.”

 

“I like him Jensen. And whatever you need we’ll do it. Danni will approach your mother, she’ll start up a conversation, and we’ll get close enough to know where to go to get your baby. We’ll take Jared with us when the time comes and make sure they both come back to you.”

 

Jensen swallows. He reaches out blindly and finds Danneel’s knee.

 

“Danni?”

 

When she speaks, her voice is thick and hateful. Jensen hasn’t heard it since the day she called him and said her baby was taken.

 

“Consider her fucking dead.”

 

Beside him Jared makes a noise.

 

“I like her.”

 

Gen is the only one who laughs. Jensen knows why.

 

 

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

Jared is gone. Jared is gone with Gen and Danni and Jensen doesn’t know where. Danni told him that it was better for him to not be directly involved.

 

Jensen feels _terror_ creeping up. Chris is here, talking to him constantly about something. Jensen isn’t even sure what. What he does know is that his baby is missing, his mate is gone on a mission, and his friend is muttering quietly and possibly insanely about something that couldn’t possibly matter as much as what’s happening around him. It’s been _three days_.

 

It’s not that he doesn’t trust Danni. She’s a good operator, she’s a good _person_ , and she wouldn’t let Jared get hurt. But that doesn’t mean that he has to like her edict. And it certainly doesn’t mean that he understands it.

 

His job is to protect Jared.

 

“No it’s not. I mean. Not in a one-way street kinda way. And that’s pretty sexist of you.”

 

 _He was talking aloud_.

 

“Chris. I’m not. It’s not an alpha thing, it’s that this is my world and he got dragged into it.”

 

“No. It’s an alpha thing because you checked out of that world the second that shootout at your cabin ended. You may not see it Jensen, but you’re different. You used to have this funny, friendly, little doofy nice guy face. I thought it was the mask that you used to get along outside of the life. But it’s not. It’s really you. And that’s who you are all the time. Your eyes aren’t empty anymore when you’re smiling. It’s really nice. So when you say it’s because you were a hitman you’re deluding yourself. It’s because you’re an alpha, and physically you’re just stronger than he is and a little bit physically tougher maybe. Except it don’t really matter and you know why? Because in a relationship each person is supposed to protect the other. And right now you’re fucking blind, you got two broke ribs, and your knee is just now starting to shrink. You want to protect him, and that’s great, but right now you’re low to the ground and you need the protection. And he’s giving that to you because that’s his job as much as it’s yours.”

 

He feels his mouth twisting into a frown that he can’t control. Jensen doesn’t like being taught that he had a blind spot, and here he had a blind spot that made him a jerk.

 

“When did you get so smart?”

 

“Hanging out with Beth and Aldis did it. I’ve seen you vulnerable, I know what that look is on you. This is something different. You can’t stand up on your own right now Jensen. Lean on your mate and he’ll carry you.”

 

If there’s a response that’s needed Jensen can’t think of it. He reaches out blindly and Chris takes his hand. It’s a thank you and maybe an I’m sorry and Chris simply takes it.

 

 

 

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Jensen is dreaming of his daddy again.

 

Dreaming that the two of them are back on the shore of the lake, staring out at a storm raging over the water. He thinks that they should be getting wet, but they’re not. They’re just watching.

 

“Do you trust him?”

 

“Absolutely. With every part of me.”

 

“Then he’ll bring your son home and stop your mom. But how will you handle that?”

 

“Happily.”

 

His daddy laughs, eyes still fixed on the storm.

 

“You picked a great mate. You’ve had a great baby. I think you deserve your rest honey.”

 

Jensen swallows hard, and his fingers link with his daddy’s.

 

“I love you baby. Never forget that.”

 

He wakes up with tears on his face. He wakes up to his mother in the room.

 

 

 

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

“-so you should probably get the fuck out.”

 

Chris’s voice is tight, concerned, and Jensen knows why. She doesn’t even have to speak. He can smell her, and on the tip of that smell is Luke’s scent. It makes his heart ache and burn all at once.

 

“Chris, it’s time for the alphas to speak. I suggest you leave and not forget who still has power in our world.”

 

Before his friend can say anything else Jensen clears his throat. His hands are under the blankets, he has no weapons, and he’s blind.

 

Why is she here if Danni is handling her?

 

“Mother, shut up. Chris, can you go call Jared and make sure he doesn’t come in?”

 

He doesn’t want to tip his hand. He can’t tip his hand. Chris gets up, chair scraping loudly across the floor, and rests his hand briefly on Jensen’s shoulder before withdrawing. He makes a noise of disgust sliding past Jensen’s mother before the door swings open and then slams shut.

 

“What do you want mother?”

 

She steps closer, heels clicking on the linoleum loudly.

 

“Firstly I think you shouldn’t be lying to me. Jared isn’t out there to be warned. You see, Danneel came to me yesterday and explained everything. Really Jensen, hiring someone to come after your mother?”

 

It can’t be. She wouldn’t. But Jensen’s blood runs cold and his hands start to shake under the covers.

 

Because he’s been betrayed enough to know it’s not out of the realm of possibility.

 

“I don’t believe it.”

 

“You don’t have to. It’s true. Your bitch is in a dungeon and your son is now mine. I like him to be honest. Your father was too soft. He put a lot of ideas in your head. But Jared is a tough little thing. I think if I let him live he’ll just make the boy stronger.”

 

Jensen starts rubbing the back of his hand against the mattress. Tiny movements that she won’t see under the tenting of the sheet. It needs to be subtle because if she catches it he’ll be totally unarmed.

 

“You aren’t equipped to work with him, and he’d break you before you long before you would break him.”

 

The needle pops out, it hurts but that’s distant. Training, hatred, fear, all of it starts to consume him. Jared. _Jared_ is in danger along with Luke and Jensen is having trouble keeping in mind that Jared wouldn’t let himself be taken. Jared is too strong and Jensen knows that.

 

“There’s your problem. You think there’s any reason to work with them. Your father was the same way, and you saw what happened to him.”

 

Jensen switches the needle into his fingertips, listening to the sound of her voice and judging the distance necessary to get there and get there before she can stop him. The blanket that helped is now one of his greatest obstacles.

 

Jared has grown. Jared is stronger than he was before. And he was already stronger than Jensen by miles.

 

“What did happen to Daddy? I thought I knew but now I’m not so sure.”

 

She laughs. It makes Jensen’s blood boil more than he thought possible and he wonders if maybe he’s gone mad. If maybe being in the darkness has pushed him a step too far. His hand clenches too much and the needle punches through his finger. It takes an extra few seconds to work it out.

 

Somewhere, somewhere deep inside his brain something cool spreads. And he hears his Daddy’s voice, whispering in his ear.

 

_“Trust Jared. Sometimes it’s our job to protect you.”_

 

He doesn’t have to win. He just has to buy time.

 

“I think you do.”

 

“Maybe.”

 

And then he jerks his arm up and around, his left hand gripping the button, and sinks the needle into his mother’s skin. He’s not sure if he hits a vein, most likely he just gets it through something and deep into the muscle. Either way the second it’s in, as she shrieks, Jensen presses the morphine button hard. They upped his morphine, he’s gotten accustomed to the standard dosage, and he knows his mother is too much of a control freak to use anything that would make her vulnerable.

 

Pain explodes in his head, the bells ringing loudly and a burst of light in his permanently dark world, and then he’s toppling off the bed and hitting the floor while things shatter and crash around on the other side of the bed.

 

A moment later, when the cacophony dies down, his mother’s voice slurs from somewhere else in the room.

 

“How. How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child. Jensen. You have no idea what I’m going to do to you before I go back to make your bitch suffer.”

 

“I don’t have a bitch.” Talking makes him nauseous. His stomach swells, and he fights the urge as he crawls as best he can blindly in the opposite direction of her voice. “I have a MATE.”

 

“Goddamn right.” Jared’s voice rings over the room and Jensen hears his mother gasp.

 

And then he hears the gunshot. Followed quickly by another. And then Jared’s hands are on him and in the background Jensen can hear a lilting cry he knows all too well.

 

“Jay.”

 

“I’m sorry Jen. I’m sorry. It was the best way to make sure we got Luke and you and got rid of her. Are you ok? Doc’s coming just-holy fucking shit please be ok.”

 

Daddy is here again, but even he feels distant.

 

_“I love you baby. Never forget that.”_

“I love you Jay.”

 

“Shut the fuck up and wait for the doctor!”

 

And then he’s floating, somewhere far away.

 

 

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

Jensen doesn’t dream. His daddy has finally left him.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

When he wakes up Luke is crying.

 

It breaks his heart again, but it’s ok. It’s ok because it means that it wasn’t a dream. It means that he is alive, and his baby is there. He holds out both arms blindly and a second later a tiny bundle is there. Then there’s a Jared draped over him. And crying as well.

 

 “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I made you bait and I shouldn’t have.”

 

It takes him a bit to work his throat. He has no idea how much damage he’s sustained at this point.

 

“She gone?”

 

There’s a pause, and then when Jared speaks Jensen recognizes the tone of the voice.

 

Fucking Chris will never stop being smug.

 

“Forever. You and Luke are safe.”

 

“My hero.”

 

“You make a lousy fucking Olive Oyl.”

 

“Baby ears.”

 

Jared shuts him up with a kiss as Luke finally starts to settle down and drift off.

 

 

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

“I feel like the bandages can come off for this. They were supposed to come off yesterday.”

 

Jared hums, oddly good at harmonizing with the buzz of the tattoo gun.

 

“And it would be really cool to see what you are permanently marking on my body. I feel like it would be a really important step to proper customer service.”

 

“Are you paying me?”

 

“In love, and babysitting, and joy?”

 

“Then nope. It was very hard to fit you into my busy schedule and you can be patient for just another few minutes.”

 

“Nurts.”

 

Jared makes that humming sound again, and then wipes his chest with green soap and starts inking again.

 

“What is that? Is that a curse word?”

 

“Not one that we would mind Luke learning.”

 

“Luke is not talking yet Jensen. Luke is very busy blowing spit bubbles and working towards pooping more than anyone can afford diapers to handle.”

 

“We can afford a lot of diapers, and he is a growing boy and needs to eat and poop. Everybody poops Jared.”

 

“I will change this into just a field of asses.”

 

“Please don’t.”

 

“A bag of asses. Because you’re ten pounds of asses in a five-pound bag.”

 

“Baby-“

 

“Literally. Bag. Of. Asses.”

 

Jensen falls silent. A strategic move.

 

“We don’t even know how much you’ll be able to see.”

 

He doesn’t say anything to that either. He has a feeling it will be on the upper scope of what the doctors went over. The light and shadows through the bandages have been defined. Mostly defined.

 

“And you never warned me how much a whiner you are when you’re sick.”

 

Jensen sinks into the chair. His mate is here, he’s safe, his baby is upstairs being spoiled by his new aunts and making friends with his new cousin.

 

His ledger is finally black.

 

All is well with the world.

 

“Ok. You ready?”

 

He wipes with the green soap again, and Jensen lets Jared pull him up a little before tilting his face. Jared pays him in a kiss, and then tilts his head down.

 

“Wait. Wait Jay, I want you to be the first thing.”

 

“Just trust me.”

 

And he does. The bandages come off faster than was probably medically suggested but Jensen doesn’t complain. Jared has always been a little fast.

 

He blinks rapidly, eyes tearing up at the light even though Jared has kept it fairly low and already moved the lamp far away. There are colors, and then they resolve into an image that is slightly fuzzy but definitely there.

 

It’s the Judgement card. In the place of the man, woman, and child in the caskets Jared has placed himself, Jensen, and Luke holding hands and gazing on each other lovingly.

 

Now there are a different kind of tears.

 

“You like it.”

 

Jared’s voice has no question in it, because it’s obvious. How could he not like it? It lays beside the Tower card, brighter, cleaner, infinitely more talented and skilled.

 

 “I fucking love it Jay. Thank you.”

 

He swivels his head up, temporarily dizzy and then looking at Jared’s slightly fuzzy, wet, beautiful face. And he sees that Jared is shirtless, and the same card lays next to the Death card. It must have been one hell of struggle for him to put it there.

 

Jared takes his face gently, kissing over both his eyes, the tip of his nose, softly on his lips.

 

“I think we’ve both earned it. And Jen?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“BABY EARS!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Judgement card is one of personal transformation and freedom from inner conflicts. It tells you to release the past and  embrace the future where growth and change await.


End file.
